When I was a child I developed an amazing ability to embarrass myself. I would trip, run into things, say stupid stuff, and do pretty much everything that would lead to me running away in tears. I guess you could say this is why I was so shy for so long. Throughout the years, this talent has not subsided. In fact, I get better and better at it everyday. Whenever I think of the times in my life I showed particular jack-ass like behavior, one event come to mind. When I was in White Lake Cheerleading we were doing a cheer where you had to kick your legs up in the air. I particularly enjoyed this cheer and was rather excited to do some kicking. In the midst of all the excitement my shoe flew off my foot and into the stands. I can still remember the feeling of my foot being suddenly liberated from its Ked-like prison. It landed in the front row in front of an old couple. This is when I saw my mother dash out of her seat to grab it. The crowd roared with laughter. My mother handed me my shoe from the stands and said, “Its ok!!!” I think that my mother could sense that I wanted to liquidate like Alex Mack and hide underneath the bleachers with the dirty sucker sticks. By saying, “its ok!” I think she was really saying, “Please don’t be traumatized by this unfortunate event”. How was I suppose to go back to “We’re from White Lake couldn’t be prouder” after such an emotionally dreadful occurrence? HOW INDEED!
This is just one example of the many mortifying events of my life. I would go on in detail about the times my fly has been undone, or the time I farted in class, or the time I almost passed out in front of the entire MCC staff, or the time I fell down the greasy metro steps in Paris, but I’ll leave that to your imagination. Now you may say that it is no big deal, that everyone does stupid things once in awhile. Well how can you explain that every time there is a sporting event I get hit in the head/butt/boobs with a ball? In elementary school it was always those red rubber balls of DEATH. You know the ones I’m talking about. When they hit you it felt like a stinging hell-fire for 5 hours.
I want to know other peoples embarrassing stories. Sure, we all have had the unfortunate moment when Mr. Eslick called on you and you struggled to say something… anything.. that sounded some what intelligent but merely made a comment about how Cat Stevens is a terrorist (yay Taylor Hughes!). I want to hear something really embarrassing. Terrifically embarrassing. So that I know I am not the only one who has felt the urge to liquidate.