The Olympics. Just hearing the word one would think of strength, endurance, and pride. Where the greatest athletes go to show off their hard work and ability. So I’m just wondering, who was stoned enough to think, “Hey, dude… I’m thinkin’… the Trampoline dude!” And who was stoned enough to say, “Dude, THAT WOULD BE AWESOME”. Just wondering, because today when I turned on the television and saw those skinny guys jumping around, I thought maybe I was watching some horrible sport they would show on ESPN 15 or something. But no, they actually hand out medals for this. So I got curious, and went to http://www.olympics.com/ (hey, I got free time) just to see what other sports they had that I don’t think should exist. Hold on… cause here we go…

Water Polo: Please… save it for the kids 12 and under or drunken pool parties.

Badminton: Lame version of tennis. Reminds my of gym class. *chills*

Handball: Pretty much soccer for people who can’t kick.

Canoeing: Because canoeing isn’t enough unless you X-TREME CONOE.

Sailing: Please, save it for Lake Michigan.

Shooting: The deer and the convicts need those bullets.

Table Tennis AKA Ping Pong: I only knew this was an Olympic sport because of the movie Forrest Gump.

Judo: Geez, I wonder what countries will win this one.

Taekwondo: Because Judo wasn’t enough.

And finally, the craziest Olympic sport of them all: Modern Pentathlon. This makes the people who do the Triathlon look like a bunch of pussies. It consists of 5 events. First, you have to do pistol shooting, then you move on to fencing, then you move onto swimming, then horseback riding and to finish all off you run. These are the people who were over achievers in school. The ones who made sure to remind the teacher of homework. Those well-rounded JERKS. Maybe I’m just jealous because I show no athletic strength, but the Olympics are long enough, and I miss watching Conan.

Watch animation of the Modern Pentathlon here